Sometimes when I am in "a mood" as I say, Nate doesn't exactly know what to do with me. I blaze through the apartment a ball of nervous energy unable to express precisely what is going on inside my head. After such a night earlier this week I tried to blame the grey skies, a difficult day at work and even the fact that we are not having a baby next month like we expected. Nice try, but that doesn't cut it. None of those excuse the lack of self-control I exhibited. Proverbs 25:24 says "It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife." I fear my poor husband was looking out at the balcony, considering whether he could make his bed out there for the night. By allowing my emotions to take control over my actions and my words I basically spit in Nate's face. I didn't stop to consider how sharp my words and actions were.
Self-control is not one of my strong traits, in fact I may conjecture that lack of self-control is one of my most prominent attributes. As a child, teenager and even young adult I would say what I thought when I thought it and often very loudly. I was never patient to wait for anything. When I was eleven I couldn't wait to be a teenager like my siblings, once I was a teenager I couldn't wait to be an adult and "independent." Once Nate and I started dating I was counting down the days to be his wife and now that we are eager to become parents I get extremely frustrated that I once again have to wait. My heart selfishly demands instant gratification.
Not to downplay the difficulty of this season of life, but these situations are no excuse to allow myself to go "bat-shit insane" as my wonderfully tactful husband puts it. Talking with my more mellow sister (ok, maybe not more mellow in general, we do share the same genes you know, but at least she was calmer and wiser than I on Monday.) I realized that I should be and can be thankful for all the wonderful blessings I have. I have a job that allows us to pay down bills and save money, we have a cute little apartment in the best neighborhood in Seattle (in my humble opinion), and I truly have the most patient and loving man as my husband.
One of the attributes I know I need to prayerfully consider and strive for is this foreign concept of self-control, patience or whatever you may choose to call it. We may not be having a child next week or even for another year or so for that matter, my job may be draining and the sun may never shine again in Seattle, but Jesus is in control. As a wife my prayer is to never again make my husband wish for a comfortable bed on the roof.
"For this very reason, (v.3 "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness") make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control and steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness and godliness with brotherly affection, and brother affection with love." 2 Peter 1:5-7
1 comment:
Good post! Something that I am definitely trying to work on through God's grace and His working in my heart. I think I'm impatient in a different way than you, but it's still there a lot of the time. And yes - it's always good to re-evaluate how you are behaving so your husband doesn't start thinking about moving outside (because of my craziness lately, I am praying that I don't drive Jason completely crazy).
Very good thoughts! Way to go examining yourself and you encouraged me as well. Love you very much!
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